


Things Are Different Now

by skeeviejeevie



Series: Marisol Fics [2]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/M, One-Sided Relationship, Post-Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 21:09:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15373368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeeviejeevie/pseuds/skeeviejeevie
Summary: Marisol doesn't want to hurt Hancock, but he hurts her every time he looks at her with so much love in his eyes. She doesn’t think about him like that; she doesn’t think she can feel anything close to that anymore.Tangential follow up to "Before the Rains Burned" because, well, it's still cancer season. First part unnecessary to understand this fic.





	Things Are Different Now

Hancock is laughing at what she said, but she doesn’t remember telling a joke. Marisol doesn’t remember the last time she could tell a joke. She remembers she used to be funny, a long time ago. It was one of the first things Nathaniel complimented her on.  


_I see you got jokes_ , he said. _I like that. Let me show you what I got._  


Against her better judgment, she had. Sometimes Marisol tries to decide whether or not that was the worst decision of her life. Many of her decisions fight over that distinguished honor.  


They’re camping at yet another settlement. It’s a small one nestled in the woods, maybe twenty settlers. They’d been helping them build walls all day, only retiring when the sun began to dip below the horizon.  


She and Dogmeat sit on one side of the campfire now, Hancock alone on the other. Most of the other settlers have retired for the night, only a few remain to patrol the newly erected walls. They should be able to handle setting up the rest of them without her.  


Marisol studies Hancock from across the low fire. When Hancock laughs, he doesn’t hold back. He likes to throw his head back, laugh until he’s hoarse. Well, hoarser. She’s pretty sure he’s high, had to be to be laughing at something she’d said. She doesn’t mind the drugs so long as he keeps her and hers safe.  


He stops laughing after a few moments, stares back at her unflinchingly as he utters a cocky, “Enjoying the view?”  


Hancock is in love with her. She can see it in his eyes, has been seeing it for months now. Hancock is so full of love that the sight of it makes her heart burst. Marisol looks away, pretends she doesn’t see it.  


“Don’t flatter yourself.”  


He smiles, slow and happy. “Someone has to.”  


Marisol hates when he smiles like that. His eyes take on a glint that makes her want to hurt him. Anything to keep that love—too pure to be wasted on her—as far away as possible. She stands up suddenly, startling Dogmeat to full attention.  


“I’m going to bed.”  


Hancock looks like he wants to say something, but she leaves before he can, Dogmeat on her heels. She knows he’ll follow her later, when he thinks she’s asleep.  


Marisol rarely sleeps alone in the Commonwealth. Though Dogmeat is a great comfort to her, the only thing she feels comfortable enough to touch, he isn’t human. She needs to hear the easy rhythm of another person’s breathing to remind herself she isn’t alone.  


Remembering there was another human in the room, living and breathing, helps ground her enough to sleep. She’d rather have someone who wasn’t in love with her. Marisol wonders if she can somehow drop him off back at Goodneighbor—would that be too cruel?  


Maybe it’s crueler to let him keep looking at her like that. He is too afraid to touch her, let alone say anything about his feelings. She worries she will kill him like that, by neither encouraging nor discouraging him. Marisol does not want the blood of another good man on her hands. There has already been so much spilt.  


She curls up on a floor mattress in one of the ramshackle huts the settlers live in. Dogmeat sidles up against her, licks her face in a consoling manner.  


“Mijo, I love you, and thank you, but that is so gross.”  


Dogmeat huffs and puts his head down. She pets him absently, waits in the dark of the shack. She can see the stars between the slats of the ceiling. They’re the only thing more beautiful now, free to shine without light pollution's interference. Glittering lightyears away, untouched by the destruction man unleashed on Earth. A small blessing in this broken world.  


Hancock creeps in much later. Marisol’s still awake as he attempts to stealthily crawl on top of the mattress on the other side of the room. He fails spectacularly, and Marisol bites her lip to keep from snorting.  


She waits until long after he’s settled in to speak.  


“I don’t know if I’ll ever love like that again.”  


He doesn’t speak for a long time and Marisol wonders if he fell asleep. She’s about to try and fall asleep when he replies.  


“That’s okay.”  


“The thing is. I don't think it is okay,” her breath catches in her throat, “It can't be okay. The way I am now, I can’t even take the way you look at me, John. It’s too much. I love you, but not like that. I can't do that again.”  


Hancock sits up and for a moment she’s afraid he’ll try to touch her. She can’t guarantee his safety if he does.  


“Listen, Sol. I—” he sighs, “I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave?”  


She can feel him looking at her in the darkness. She wonders if ghouls can see in the dark, if he can see the tears silently making their way down her face.  


“I think it’s for the best. I can take you back to Goodneighbor, but I can’t stay.”  


He clears his throat, stands up.  


“I’ll leave at first light. I’m sorry, Marisol, but. I can’t stay with you tonight. You. You’re always welcome in Goodneighbor, of course. Everyone is. If you ever think you can stand it, come see me sometime.”  


Marisol wants to say something, but she’s not sure what. Hancock slips out the door before she can gather her thoughts.  


She doesn’t sleep much that night. When she gets up the next morning, he’s already gone. If she wanted to, she could track him down. Dogmeat’s already looking forlornly at the road south of the settlement.  


Marisol heads west.


End file.
